like father, like daughter

My dad and I have a ton in common.  Including the fact that we’re obsessed with egg nog.

We’re having breakfast together in a couple of weeks while I’m in DC.  The first thing that crossed his mind while making plans was drinking egg nog…

That is why I love my father.

And yes – wherever we eat breakfast will serve egg nog.  If anyone knows of any breakfast places in DC that serve egg nog, please let me know.  I can’t wait to drink gobs of egg nog this holiday season :)

i failed in a very major way

I spoke with my grandfather’s wife (let’s call her “L”) yesterday morning.  Yes, she called me while I was at work.  It wasn’t ideal, but when you haven’t spoken to a family member in over 2 years, it’s best to pick up the phone regardless of where you are (within reason, of course). 

Anyway, after updates on the immediate family (I have 2 uncles who are younger than me – one is starting college next year and the other is starting high school), L dropped the bomb.

L: So, have you been in contact with any other R’s? Have you talked to your Grandma C lately?

Me: No. I think the last I spoke with her was over a year ago… but I’ve been trying to call her since, and she hasn’t returned any of my phone calls.  I thought it might be better to write, but I just don’t know what’s going on.

L: Well, you know she passed away last summer. 

Me: Silence. 

L: Yeah, we didn’t know how to get in contact with you… we didn’t know how to tell you. I mean, you guys have moved so much since the last time we talked - 

Me: (stunned) Really?! (I was mostly speechless at this point)

L: Yeah. We just didn’t know what to do. So yeah – she passed away last summer. 

So here’s where I failed in a major way - 

Ever since I started college, my Grandma C had been scolding me about not visiting her more often.  She lived about 6 hours away (via train) in North Carolina and it was very expensive to get there. As a poor college student, I had a hard time justifying a $300 train ticket for a few days at Grandma’s house.  Not only would I be spending the amount of money it would take 2 weeks for me to earn, I would be missing class and work. 

Perhaps this was the wrong mindset. I mean, it was my Grandma. She was a pretty big deal and had always been there for me when I was growing up. Even after my parents were divorced, and I moved in with my father, my grandmother was a significant part of my life. I was her only daughter’s only child.

Yeah, I’m her one and only grandchild.

So… after a while, I stopped calling her. In the spring of my 3rd year, I went to Spain and Grandma C didn’t know until after I returned. I spoke with her the summer before my 4th year and, of course, I was scolded – not only because I hadn’t called her in a while, but also because I didn’t call her while I was in Spain to find out that she had a major heart operation.

Figure that one out.  I didn’t call her while I was in Spain to find out that she had a major heart operation.

wtf? I was baffled.

Don’t get me wrong – I loved my Grandmother very much. I will always be appreciative of everything she’s done for me.  My childhood was pretty rough and she was there every step of the way – especially while I was still living in NYC. 

Anyway, I made it to grad school and I called her again. No answer. I called her again. No answer. And again. 

Nothing. 

And that was it.

what am i supposed to do with this?

Remember this story?

Well, my grandfather’s wife (his second wife – who is too young to be considered my step-grandmother) has just friended me on facebook.

It completely took me off guard, and I’m kinda freaking out.

AND to add to that ridiculous-ness, she almost immediately sent me the following facebook message:

Subject: possible relative

Are you the infamous Deva who fell off the face of the earth? Are you related to the R’s? If you are, please contact me asap. Thanks. your family is waiting to hear from you.

I have no idea how I’m supposed to decipher that message.  Is there a hint of sarcasm?  Bitchiness?  Or maybe it’s actually supposed to be funny.  Members on both sides of my family are experts in “smart-ass-ness”.

I don’t really know how to respond.  It’s making me crazy.

I guess I need to respond pretty soon since I am, in fact, related to them.

Any thoughts?  I’m kinda clueless about this one.

i kinda hate myself right now.

I left work at 10pm this evening (it’s been a reeeeeally long day/week), and on my way to the A, I saw a couple of familiar faces. As usual, I was speed walking through Penn Station, but I stared at those faces (which also sorta seemed to be staring back at me) long enough to realize they were my two young uncles, Gilbert and Douglas. Then I saw an older man with them and realized it was my GRANDFATHER… on my real mother’s side.

Pause – some background on my family history: I am an only child. When I was young (but not too young) my parents got divorced and my dad gained custody of me. Obviously, my mother wasn’t the best mother in the world (I think it takes a lot for a father to get custody of his kids) and unfortunately my relationship with her quickly began to fade. By the time my dad and I moved to Virginia, a couple of years after the divorce, I rarely spoke to my mother.

Fast-forward 10 years: I’m in college. At this point, my relationship with my mother is nonexistent, and has been for years. Furthermore, my relationship with my mom’s mom and my mom’s dad (who are also divorced), has taken a nosedive. Every once in a while I’d give each of them a call, and every conversation began with “Why don’t you call me more often?!” As if I wasn’t under enough stress of being at UVA and dealing with other personal issues, I was being scolded for not calling enough. It was too much for me to handle… so I called even less. Now, don’t get me wrong. I have absolutely nothing against my Grandma and Grandpa – I’m just not good with phone calls. To this day, I’m not good with phone calls.

Anyway…

Fast-foward to now. January 10, 2009. It’s been years (somewhere between 2 and 4) since I’ve spoken to either my Grandma C or my Grandfather. They are the ONLY members of my family on my real mother’s side, aside from my mother. I can’t say I don’t feel bad about not calling them… I feel horrible.

But the worst part is: I’m scared to contact them. I know it’s incredibly lame, but it’s true. I’m afraid they won’t want to talk because it’s been so long. I’m afraid they don’t care about me anymore.

And that’s why I hesitated when I saw my uncles and Grandfather at Penn Station earlier. I was scared.

About 10 seconds after I walked by them, I turned around to run after them. I had no idea what I wanted to say, but I just wanted to see them. Unfortunately, they had already disappeared into the masses of Penn Station.

Fuck. That was my chance, and I blew it.

Because I was scared.

start the countdown…

Tonight is my last night in Connecticut.

That means, MOST IMPORTANTLY, no more commuting for 4+ hours, Monday through Friday (and sometimes Saturday and Sunday).

It also means:

a) I get to sleep until 8am every morning (and can stay up past midnight without freaking out)

b) I can start aimlessly wandering around the city

c) I have a place to live in the city (duh)

d) I have no excuse not to visit my family who already lives in the city

e) Adam will probably be seeing more of me

f) I can start crocheting and cooking (not at the same time) again

I’m almost looking forward to Monday because it’ll be the first day of my new commute :)

All of that aside, I mostly enjoyed myself with my Connecticut family. I actually wish I could’ve spent more time with them – sadly, I’m pretty sure I spent the majority of my time commuting. I’m forever grateful for them letting me live in their guest room (not completely rent-free, but really low rent) and eat their food for 4 months. It’s been real.

Now it’s time for me to get the hell out and (finally) get a life. Booya.

*** Side note: I’m hoping not to spend over $600 at IKEA tomorrow. I would really hate it if I did… but I actually have a lot to buy, so that could be hard. Dammit.