what’s-his-face is the new american idol?

YOU KNOW I’M PISSED.  LIKE, REALLY PISSED.

If any of you hear/read/see me talking about watching Idol next year, please punch me in the face.  I do not support America with this decision and I am now officially boycotting American Idol.  

Year after year I’ve been let down because America doesn’t seem to consider talent when voting for a contestant.  That just doesn’t make any sense, and I’m sick of it. 

I’m so over this.

almost the (idol) finale

I flipped out on Wednesday when Danny was kicked off the show.  Yes, I screamed (and yes, I was alone in my apartment at the time).

AMERICA – WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?  JUST BECAUSE A GUY IS HOT DOESN’T MEAN HE CAN SING.  AND – KRIS IS MARRIED.  HE DOESN’T WANT YOU.  HE WILL NEVER DATE YOU.

Okay.  I feel a little better.  Just a little.  I’m still mostly pissed.  

Honestly, Kris should’ve been gone after Matt and the top 3 should’ve been Danny, Adam and Allison. 

Why didn’t America vote for Allison?!  That made me sad.

Anyways, I hate the judges.  All of them, with the exception of Mr. Simon Cowell.  He is the only voice of reason on that show.  If people don’t appreciate his honesty, they can take a hike.  Get out of my face.  I shouldn’t have to go into great detail about why I hate Paula.  Randy is just obnoxious.  His “for me for you” statement makes me want to rip my face off… with a spoon.  Kara doesn’t say anything we don’t already know.  She’s useless.  If they hired her, they definitely should’ve fired Paula.  I’m at the point where I just mute the judges’ comments.  

What is the dealio with Kris?  Yes, I understand he did a good job with Kanye West’s Heartache, but was that enough to get him into the FINALS?  No.  Were people even listening to Danny?  I’m afraid Kris’s CD will put me to sleep – he’s not exciting at all.  I kinda loved Danny’s performances because he had an upbeat song, then he broght down the house with You Are So Beautiful.  Who knew such a simple song could be so moving?  I didn’t even know that song had verses…

Then, there’s Adam.  I don’t have much to say about that kid besides a) he’s going to win and b) if he had been kicked off on Wednesday, there would’ve been mass rioting throughout the US.  

I don’t care to watch the finale… but I will.

already

Alexis went home tonight. 

Thus, my projections list is already screwed. 

I fail. 

But I’m kinda glad Alexis is gone.  She butchered Jolene last night and it made me sad.

idol projections

From bad to awesome: 

• Jorge
• Jasmine

(thank God they’re already gone – they were definitely at the bottom of my list) 

• Anoop

(I actually like him, so it will be sad to see him leave)

• Scott

(Anoop and Scott could be swapped – I’m not sure)

• Michael
• Megan
• Lil 

(now I’m not really sure)

• Alexis
• Danny
• Matt
• Kris 
• Adam 
• Allison

If Adam wins Idol, I’m going to drive to Hollywood and punch Simon in the balls. If anyone else wins, I will be happy. I’m rooting for Allison – all the way. 

***Publishing this list is probably a bad idea – I’ll probably fail immediately and everyone will know how terrible I am at predicting these sorts of things. Clearly, I’m willing to take that risk.

me and idol

FYI: I love American Idol. I can’t not watch it.

Secretly, a small part of me longs to be on that show.  I’d probably get kicked out in Hollywood week, though.  Not because I’m not awesome – probably because I would get sick of the super hardcore people.  I love singing for the joy of singing… not to become some big superstar diva. Sometimes.

Anyway, I watched tonight’s episode with 935 zillion other Americans.  I can’t say I’m satisfied with this year’s line up, but here are my thoughts.

• Overall, there are a TON of young parents on this show.  Like, a ton.  It kinda freaks me out.  I have no idea when I’ll start having babies.  Maybe in 5 years.  Alexis is 21 with a kid.  Lil is 23 with THREE kids!

• And what on earth is the name “Lil”?  I can barely say it.  Is it short for something?  Basically, I’m not a fan of her name.  After tonight I can already tell she probably won’t make it very far in the competition – which is good because her name sucks.  And her outfit tonight was a disaster.  I want to smack whoever told her that looked good.

• Kris is MARRIED?!  He just lost my vote.  Simon was right to say he should’ve saved the “married” thing for later in the show – My heart is broken. PS: the matching aprons bit was so sickening, in an adorable way.  I threw up a little bit in my mouth.  Ugh.  And also – his song was so Maroon 5-esque.  What was the point of the guitar?  For show?  No one actually heard it.

• Scott is cool.  Tonight he reminded me of a twist between Billy Joel and Elton John.  It was alright.  I liked the piano thing.  He won’t last very long on the show, but I hope he stays longer than Lil.

• Who in the hell is this Jasmine girl, and why is she in the top 13?  She needs to go back to her family in Mississippi and look adorable.  She could’ve been like Paris Bennett, but no – Jasmine can’t really sing.  Oh well. Go home.

• I love Puerto Rico, but Jorge just needs to stop.  He shouldn’t be there.  I might be in love with him had he sang “She’s Out of My Life”.  Paula finally had a good suggestion.

• Don’t even get me started on Adam Lambert.  I really don’t like him.  He’s the “Chris Daughtry” of the bunch.  Ugh. I really don’t want him to be there.  Watching him perform makes me want to rip out my eyeballs.  I have yet to see his talent.

• I love Anoop!  He’s the underdog and he’s totally adorable.  He’s probably the contestent I’d most like to friend on Facebook.  I hope he stays this week – Jorge was so much worse.

• Megan is meh.  Why did she sing Rockin’ Robin tonight?  That’s not even a Michael Jackson song.  It’s not even a Jackson 5 song.  SHE DIDN’T EVEN STICK TO THE THEME.  Whatever.  Her voice is kinda weird, but it works – sometimes.  If she quits singing stupid songs, I’ll like her more.

• Alexis, Kris and Allison are probably my favorites.  Allison probably tops that list, actually.  Kris lost me with the “marriage” thing.  Alexis lost me with the “baby” thing.  Allison has an amazing voice for a 17-year-old and her hair is so freaking awesome.  I want that.  Sadly, my hair could never look that cool because red probably doesn’t look good with my complexion.  Oh well.  Alexis surprised me with her version of Dirty Diana.  I was kinda into it – even if it was “pitchy” at times.

• The rest of the guys aren’t interesting enough to be mentioned.  Well, except Danny.  And Matt, I guess.  I enjoyed their performances.

Finally – WHAT IS WRONG WITH PAULA?!  Honestly, I’m convinced Paula is sick of being on that show and Fox drugs her so she will stick around.  That’s why she always looks stoned on TV.  There’s no way she’s not drugged during the show.  What an absolute hot mess.

According to Urban Dictionary, hot mess is defined as:

Someone or Something that is such a mess… the level of it, is off of the charts. It’s past pathetic, past pitiful. It’s to the point you almost have to walk away to keep from bustin a gut. Hot messes can exist in levels.

That is TOTALLY Paula Abdul. I was bustin my gut throughout that entire show.

Anyway, tomorrow I’ll give my projection for the entire season.

sadness

By the way, I’m really pissed that Carly got kicked off American Idol.

BROOKE WAS SO BAD. WHO VOTED FOR HER?! Seriously, people.

I’d rather not believe that the majority of Americans are tone deaf idiots – but after Wednesday night’s Idol, I really just don’t know anymore…

Meanwhile, pretty-eyed Jason is still on the show. This is increasingly becoming more problematic for me as time goes by. His eyes are amazingly gorgeous, but his voice isn’t all that great. I LOVED his ukulele performance (I’m a fan of the ukulele), but no. It’s time for him to leave.

I’m so sad for Carly. Brooke will hopefully go home next week, then Syesha will be holding it down for the ladies. Unfortunately, Syesha probably won’t win. It will be a boy (NOT David Cook).

What a bust

Idol was totally bunk tonight.

No one sang a song from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

Seriously, guys… wtf? Instead, people sang songs from Phantom of the Opera, which isn’t bad, but it’s so overdone. Ugh. The only one who did a Phantom song justice was Mr. Archuletta. His remix of “Think of Me” was actually good.

***But – is it me, or did he forget some of the words halfway through the song? I swear (and my roommate agrees) he was mumbling in the middle of one of the verses.

And WHY ON EARTH did Jason sing a song from Cats? CATS?! COME ON… (Lame)

My girl, Carly, totally rocked it out with Jesus Christ Superstar (I’m so proud). I know Carly won’t win, but she’s still my favorite girl.

Another thing, why did 4 of the 6 sing slow songs? No one likes slow, boring songs… Which leads me to Ms. Brooke White, who TOTALLY crashed and burned (you just can’t stop and restart a song). She creeps me out a little when she sings, so I wouldn’t mind seeing her leave.

Syesha wins the “most enjoyable song” award. It was pretty hot. I’m surprised she made it off the piano she was standing on while wearing such a tight dress. Congratulations to her for not flashing anyone on live television.

Closing out the show was “Forehead Boy”, David Cook. I can’t stop staring at his forehead while he’s on stage. It’s so large… Of course, he was lame and sang a Phantom song (which also turned out lame, in my opinion). He probably won’t get kicked off tomorrow, but he needs to not sing lame songs anymore.

So kids, the moral of the story is: don’t sing lame songs. SING JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT. I’m pretty sure “Close Every Door” is one of the greatest songs ever written.