and i’m about to… break.

Today was an angry day. Well, just between 5-7pm.

I feel like for the past two years of my life I’ve been pushed to my limits. I’ve been faced with some pretty tough challenges and some really ridiculous situations, all of which have tested my patience. Much to my own surprise, I made it through the horrors of grad school and everything that went with it with only mild mental scars. Now, as a working adult living with my aunt, I’m being tested again. In the past two months lots of little things have happened that have scraped away at my sanity – tonight I kinda lost it after one small-ish incident pushed me over the edge.

I cried. In public.

Just a little bit, though. I was outside waiting for the bus with about 8 people around me, so I couldn’t just let it out. I actually wanted to scream – but I couldn’t let that happen either. Instead I listened to Linkin Park’s One Step Closer and A Place for My Head at an insanely loud volume. It was kinda like screaming in my head. It felt good.

Then I called my uncle to vent, and that helped immensely. I felt much better after talking with him.

In the future, rather than stress out over these little BS occurrences, I have to try to avoid them… even if it means making things a little more difficult. At least I’d be brining the inconveniences upon myself.

what now?

So, I’ve moved (back) to the Northeast. I’ve landed a good job in Manhattan. I’ve started the rest of my life.

Why am I still not satisfied?

Aside from the fact that I absolutely hate my daily commute from Connecticut to NYC, I feel like I would still be dissatisfied even if I lived somewhere in NYC.

That worries me.

I would be closer to friends, I could sleep until 8am instead of 6am, my transportation within the city would be free (instead of $300, approximately), I could hang out on the weekends and meet people in New York… you get the picture.

What else do I want out of life?

I’m having a hard time trying to figure out what I want out of my life right now. It seems like something inside of me is constantly longing for something more. I cross things off of my “life goals” list while I continue to add more to it.

I just want to spend 5 minutes being content with what I have, without wanting more. Is that too much to ask?

my first nyc photo adventure

It was okay.

It started out as a flea markets walk (thanks to Time Out New York), but with Ryan’s allergies acting up and the flea markets not being up to our expectations, Adam, Ryan and I just ended up roaming.

My one purchase was this CD:

with Tito Puente on trumpet

It was $5. It’s not much, but I’m excited about it.

Today’s excursion was still a photo adventure, so here are my newest pictures:

This probably cost $100 +

the story of my life...

umm... no clue.

a ceramic lizard in a ceramic bowl

After the roaming, our flea market outing turned into a “search for apartment stuff” outing. Adam really wanted to buy either a) a mirror or b) some type of large piece of art. Ryan wanted to buy a rug and a coffee table.

I hate this store

bad idea

How would you feel if you walked into a friend’s apartment and they had this painting on one of their walls? For starters, I would definitely have to question my friendship with that person… Luckily, Adam had no intention on buying that white tiger for his walls.

THANK GOD.

Around 5pm, I became extremely cranky, so I cut put an end to the guys’ apartment shopping trip. Adam left empty handed, but Ryan bought a rug and a lamp – and I left with some goodies from CB2. All was not lost.

Anyways, to make a long-ish story not so long, we had some dinner, then went out for drinks with other friends.

$4 girly drinks

All in all, it was a very long, but fun-ish day. I really do enjoy walking around Manhattan on the weekends.

And I promise, my photo adventures will improve. I can do better than this.

questions about my music.

First of all, thanks to Matt for these questions. I love blogging about my music (I think).

Anyway, I feel like I’m about to reveal a lot about myself. My music is very representative of who I am. If I could list every song in my itunes library, you all would know everything about me… kinda. Anyways, please don’t hate on my music. I might cry.

Q: If someone new were in your car, what song on your player would you be the quickest to skip out of embarrassment:

A: Dolly Parton’s “Jesus and Gravity”. Yikes.

Q: What song or songs is/are most “atypical” on your player?

A: Once again, this award goes to my collection of Dolly Parton… Adam gave me one of her CDs. Wow. I fail.

Q: What song(s) on your player turns you on?

A: I’ll just label this question “most romantic song” because none of my songs turn me on. So my answer – maybe Gavin DeGraw’s “More Than Anyone”.

Q: If you wanted to get a member of the opposite sex in the mood, what song would you program to come on when they are in the car?

A: That totally depends on the guy. I can’t answer this question without more detail about who the guy is.

Q: What is the longest song on your player?

A: “Rite of Spring” from Disney’s Fantasia (performed by the Philadelphia Orchestra). 22 minutes 28 seconds. Booya.

Q: What do you think is the silliest song on your player?

A: Hahaha – “Don’t Fall In Love With A Homo” by Jonny McGovern. This is one of the most ridiculous songs I’ve bought… except it’s also amazing (and full of good advice to straight women).

Q: What did you most recently add to your player?

A: So, I’m a part of this group that reviews random CDs every two weeks, and our most recent CD is “Með Suð Í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust” (English: With a Buzz in Our Ears We Play Endlessly) by Sigur Rós. I have no clue what the lead singer is saying, but it’s beautiful.

Q: What did you most recently delete?

A: I can’t remember. When a song is deleted from my itunes playlist, it’s also deleted from my memory.

Q: What is your favorite song on your player that is from a movie?

A: THIS IS A HARD QUESTION. I almost don’t want to answer this because I feel like every song is in a movie at some point. The winner goes to “Good Morning” from Singin’ In the Rain only because it’s my favorite movie of all time.

Q: Is there a song on your player that is only there for someone else’s benefit?

A: No. Sometimes I download songs because other people/my friends like them (eventually I end up liking them too), but that’s about it.

Q: What song or artist do you find yourself skipping most frequently and therefor should probably delete?

A: No – this question doesn’t apply to me. When I skip songs, it’s because I’m not in the mood to listen to them at that point in time. Eventually I’ll be ready to listen again. And why would I delete my songs? That’s like throwing away money.

Q: Without cheating, start your player and list the first 10 songs that come up in random play.

A: Crap. I was afraid of this.

1. Gwen Stefani “Wonderful Life”

2. KT Tunstall “Another Place to Fall”

3. Celine Dion “Taking Chances” (haha)

4. Barbra Streisand “You’ll Never Walk Alone” (oh gosh…)

5. Harry Connick Jr. “But Not For Me”

6. Ani DiFranco “Cloud Blood”

7. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat “The Brothers Come to Egypt – Grovel, Grovel” (awesome)

8. MIKA “Stuck In the Middle”

9. Clay Aiken “Shine” (oh dear God…)

10. John Mayer Trio “Another Kind of Green”

———

Wow. I feel vulnerable. I think I’ll lay off the entries about music for a while…

interesting.

It sounded like Brian Fellow was conducting the 7 train I rode this morning.

It was both hilarious and extremely frightening at the same time…

I miss Tracy Morgan on SNL. He was out of control.

i love NBC. and dudes. and my friends.

I generally don’t spend a lot of time in front of my tv screen. I have a very hard time sitting still for longer than 15 minutes unless I’m seriously engaged – so I generally can’t handle most tv shows. But there are 3 shows that will absolutely 100% keep be glued to my screen this Fall.

Those shows are:

1. Heroes – mmm… Peter Petrelli/Milo Ventimiglia

2. The Office – mmm… Jim Halpert/John Krasinski

3. Chuck – mmm… Chuck Bartowski/Zachary Levi

Yes, there is a theme. NBC has a knack for choosing really attractive main characters… and I love them for it. But they’re not why

If I were to actually rank the guys, it would follow this order (from hot to less hot):

1.

2.

3.

I used to really adore Milo, but then he started dating “the Cheerleader”. They’re related on the show! You can’t date your fake niece! Yuck. He lost major points for that – even more points because it was Hayden (boo her). I know he can do better than that.

ANYWAY, I can’t wait until September 22nd – the Heroes Premiere at 9pm. Then on September 25th, there’s The Office Premiere. And finally, September 29th (Chuck Premiere)… my life will once again have meaning (sorta). I only wish I could watch the premieres with some of my Charlottesville friends (aka. “the core”). I miss them.

mac and cheese

So good...

For lunch today I had the best mac and cheese ever.

Okay – the 2nd best mac and cheese ever. My dad makes awesome baked mac and cheese. He gets the #1.

So, I got it from SuperMac. If you live, work, walk, travel, run, etc. close to Penn Station or Madison Square Garden or 348 7th Avenue (between 29th and 30th Street), you need to stop by and get some mac and cheese. It was very much worth my $7.

killer commute

I’ve been commuting to New York City almost everyday since July 21st and I hate it. When I’m going to work, I leave the house by either 6:50am or 7:20am, depending on how I get to the train station in Connecticut. It’s a 45 minute Metro-North ride on the express train. Then I have to get off the train and either:

a) take the subway (which takes approximately 15 minutes), or

b) walk (1.1 miles according to google maps)

By that point, I’m exhausted. And that sucks because I still have 8 hours of work ahead of me.

And then there’s coming home…

If I’m riding back with my Aunt, the commute back is around an hour and 20 minutes. If I’m on my own (aka. taking the bus), the commute is over 2 hours. I hate that.

I’m so ready to find a place somewhere in NYC. Seriously. Getting an additional one hour of sleep every night would be so amazing.

seasons of love

Guess who finally saw Rent (on Broadway)?

Yep, me. I bet you couldn’t figure that out…

After months and months (since last year) of talking about it with Adam and Hailey, we FINALLY got our lazy bodies to the Nederlander Theatre.

I am extremely glad we finally saw the show because it was fantastic. Much better than the movie in a lot of ways. Maureen (played by Eden Espinosa) did an absolutely amazing job and her voice was incredible. Gwen Stewart (Mrs. Jefferson in the show) and Marcus Paul James (Mr. Jefferson in the show), 2 characters not in the movie, take home the prize for best singers. They totally rocked out to Seasons of Love… Both Adam and I were blown away. Angel (Shaun Earl) obviously wins for best acting/dancing because it takes a very special man (or person, in general) to be able to dance and jump on and off tables in platform heels. I would’ve twisted my ankles just putting those shoes on.

The rest of the cast (and the band) did such a great job – it totally made my weekend worthwhile. Every single penny of my $55 was worth it. It will be sad when Rent ends.

quiz time.

This is hilarious.

Thanks to my friend Ally, I found this super funny website full of odd quizzes.

Up first, is “Would You Eat Your Buddies in a Blizzard?”

48%

Haha… Look out, friends.

2. “The Geek Quiz”

47% Geek

Oh geez… It could be worse, I guess.

3. “How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take In A Fight?”

17

I don’t really plan on fighting any 5 year olds any time soon, but this is good to know. I’ll keep this in the back of my mind.

4. The Caffeine Test

Wow. It’s almost 11:30pm. That’s awesome.

5. How many countries can you name in five minutes?

72

I fail. I’m ashamed.

6. Would You Make A Good Human Shield?

55%

Hahaha :) I don’t even know what to think of that.

and one more…

7. How Addicted to Coffee Are You?

I am 85% Addicted to Coffee

That sounds about right. A year ago, it probably would’ve been 98%. I’ve improved a lot in the past 12 months.