today: May 15, 2008

Today is the presentation of my life… and I’m crazy nervous. I’ve never been this nervous before a presentation - and that makes me even MORE nervous!

Basically, I’m a wreck.

So, in order to relieve some of this nervousness, I decided it was a good idea to type up exactly what I plan on saying during the presentation. Now I don’t have to stumble on words, and maybe even my voice won’t shake. The key to minimizing the freaking out is to lay low on caffeine. Just recently, I realized that coffee actually does give me the jitters, but only when I’m already freaking out about something.

Coffee + extreme nervousness = Really, really bad news

At 1:45pm, it will be my turn to present my paper on inequality and economic development in Guatemala. If people ask me intense questions (or any questions at all), I will die.

Oh, and after this I’m one 8 page (single-spaced) paper away from ditching this stupid school. And I graduate in 8 days.

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Another down…

So, I think my project course/short thesis paper is just about done. It needs a little fixing up, but I’m almost ready to email it to my 2nd reader.

Inequality + economic growth + human development + Guatemala = 24 pages of fun.

Except, even though it’s done, I’m not actually finished with it. I have to make a powerpoint presentation and present it to a bunch of people who have nothing else to do on Thursday morning. It’ll be the last presentation of my academic career (until I go back to school at some unknown time in the future). Thank God.

And now, I have 2 more papers (and a powerpoint) left. I hope to finish my memo on Federal hate crimes legislation tonight so I can devote the rest of my energy to Brazilian inequality and fun powerpoint presentations.

Oh - and I still have class today and tomorrow… wtf.

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Update

My paper on Globalization and Colombia is done. 3.5 pages single-spaced. I’m so over that class. My teacher makes me want to rip my brains out…

Now, I have to start to edit the very rough draft of my project course/short thesis paper. I think I have it mostly written - 22 pages without graphs. Hopefully I’ll have the editing and final drafting done by tomorrow night so my fake advisers, Adam and Beth (and anyone else who wants to read and give suggestions on my paper) can read it tell me how much it sucks.

And off I go.

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Dear Blog,

It’s that time of year again. Finals, sorta. Well, final papers. I have a take-home final in one of my econ classes due today, but after that I have 4 papers to write (as you probably know). Thus, I will have to take a break from writing in here. For now, I need to devote all of my writing efforts to Colombia’s economy, Brazilian inequality, Hate Crime Legislation and Guatemala’s inequality and economic development. It won’t be fun and I will miss writing in here. Hopefully I’ll be alive in a couple of weeks to talk about it.

Love,

Deva

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I’ve lost my mind

As if losing my mind and completely obliterating my short term memory isn’t enough, tonight I’m stuck with these ridiculous articles for my international development economics class tomorrow night:

Basically, at this point I want to rip my eyes out. Here’s why:

What on earth do those equations mean?! I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.

I turned the page of the article and found another one:

I couldn’t even fit the entire equation into the picture - that’s how bad it is. WHY? I don’t even know what I’m reading anymore and it’s driving me crazy. I really hope it doesn’t get any worse.

***Side note: I understand that the preceding paragraphs have explanations on what each variable means, but there’s no way I’d be able to remember it all. I don’t have the brain space for that. I also don’t have time to flip back and forth through pages of meaningless words.

The best part about this is that I have to tell the class what I’ve learned from these articles. I guess I’m okay with telling people I learned absolutely nothing from these articles and that those equations don’t have any significance in my life. At this point in the semester, I don’t care what people think of me.

I just want to graduate (23 days).

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a Valencia reflection

Today is my 3 year anniversary of my return from Valencia, Spain. At least, I think it’s today… it’s either today or tomorrow. Oh well, it doesn’t really matter.

The point is, I had an immeasurably good time in Spain. So good, I still celebrate my return 3 years later. In honor of the 4 months I spent in a foreign country, I want to revive my “ramblings on Spain” essay I wrote the summer after I got back (I apologize for the lack of capitalization):

may 19, 2005

so, spain. it was certainly good times. i mean, 3 weeks after coming back i can hardly believe i was even there. i still remember day 1 when i was at jfk for 8 hours waiting for everything to get started. i still remember when the bus got to the stadium for the first time and all the families were waiting outside with signs with our names on them. i remember everything… everything like it was yesterday. i don’t even know where to start.

outside of school, of course, i had an awesome experience. there were some times when school was okay, but for the most part, i didn’t want to be there, other than to use my computer for the free internet. i would spend 7 hours just sitting and chekcing my email, uploading pictures, occasionally talking on aim (to ally sitting next to me), and changing my website. not much fun was had. well, there were a few things that were nice about spu. #1 - agustin reyes-torres. my conversation teacher. he was a cool guy… also, i feel like he actually cared about us and our lives and wanted us to have a good time in spain. #2 - isabel. the lady with the short blond hair at the desk. she was always very friendly and helpful. well, that’s probably about it. the bad outweighs the good in reference to spu. it smelled SO BAD in that place. when it was hot, people would be dropping like flies… well, not really, but we all wanted to. the entire building would smell like sewage, and the source was, of course, the girl’s bathroom. good god, i just wanted to throw up every time i was in there. okay, that’s all i have to say about that madness. i’m just so incredibly glad that it’s all over. i’ll never walk into that building again in my entire life.

directly outside of school was a whole ‘nother world, sorta. right next to the school was this bar called minon, which was cute with it’s short comfy couches. the guy that works there probably should know english by now due to the number of us who would go there between classes or after school or whatever. he was nice though and never treated anybody nasty. the best bar, however, close to the school was sal y pimienta. this was the place to be when it was nice outside. ally got me to drinking coffee after i ordered many a tea here. it was certainly good times. when school first started we would try to come here every night after class, but eventually that sorta ended; so we just started going there on random occassions when ally and i didn’t want to walk all the way home from piko’s.

so my family. i’m convinced that i had the best one, in terms of food and rules and such. i got sick and tired of ham and cheese bocadillos and rice dishes by mid april, but other than that, things were okay. dinner was always plesant whether i talked or not. the most awkward moments were my first few meals with the family (when i couldn’t believe how hot diana was and i was trying to figure out oscar’s age). after that, i got into the swing of things. our main meals were paella, rice/beef/peppers type thing, fried egg/mystery meat/french fries, and an occasional tortilla. i loved those freaking tortillas espanolas and it’s a shame i didn’t get to eat more of them. but yeah, i sorta kept my distance from them. when i wasn’t eating, i was either in my room with the door closed or in the shower, obviously with the door closed. overall, they were great.

so, some extra stuff that made valencia/spain really cool. #1 - bertals. to be more specific, the bertals in the plaza de la reina. that is the best place ever. it’s unfortunate that ally and i discovered those sweet filled croissants at the end of our stay b/c those were the bomb. they have decent prices for cafe con leche and te and their service is good. plus, their ice cream was pretty good. all of us spent many a hour just chillin in bertals. i spent many euro on cafe con leche with ally. she was always up for cafe con leche. if we weren’t at sal y pimienta or piko’s, you could find us at bertals. #2 - los bars. it’s a shame there’s no spanish word for “bar” b/c it sounds really bad with a spanish accent. plaza de canovas was the place to be every weekend (except fallas). st. pat’s was the place to be within canovas. it was a nice irish pub with places to sit and lots of drunk english people. we actually went there to watch the superbowl…. there were a few bars there, heineken, some others, some nice ones, but basically the best time was spent sitting down at the irish pub. of course, valencia has millions of other bars in other clubby neighborhoods, juan llorens, barrio carmen, but either they were too boring or filled with lots of sketchy people. like i said, most of my money was spent in st. pat’s. technically, nearly every place that serves cafe con leche in spain can double as a bar (even cafe y te has a bar). those spanish like their cerveza. #3 - fallas. this was totally a big deal but after the first few days i grew to hate it. the crowds at night were unbearable. i hated being out after 10pm. the highlights were the fallas (during the day), the booby falla near the plaza de ayuntamiento, and the bullfighting. the fallas were really, really cool. the amount of work those builders put into those fallas is amazing. yeah, and then they burned them all down - also, a spectacular sight. i have plenty of pictures of that grand event. the bullfighting was interesting as well. i didn’t really enjoy watching the bulls die, but i had to see it just to know. i can definitely see the art in it. oh, and the fireworks. those were incredible. i loved the fact that they would use fireworks not only for display (at night - which was a million times better than anything i’ve EVER seen in the states) but also for the intense noise during the day. the plaza de ayuntamiento was filled with so much smoke, it would block out the sun. crazy air pollution everyday at 2 pm during fallas. it was kinda cool though - in a “harmful to the environment” way.

i’m so glad i got to go and i got to experience spain. have i changed much? probably not. i made awesome friends. i danced. i busted a move whenever i felt the moment was right. i had more opportunities to grow. here in charlottesville i go through the same things everyday; in spain, while every weekday was the same, the weekends always brought something different. i have to remember to take those risks here too, when i have a chance. i learned a lot though. people are all the same; it doesn’t matter what language you speak or what country you live in. sure there are different national issues, but families are basically all the same. i love that connection. plus, regardless of how long i was in spain, i never “felt” like i was in spain. i could’ve been in another city in the states. i don’t think that says anything other than the fact that the world isn’t as big as you’d think. i would travel back to spain in a heartbeat. i mean, it was great. nothing super special, but there’s something about valencia that i will always long for. it now has a special place in my heart (even though it smells like dog poo).

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how’s the paper coming along?

short thesis update -

Pages written (double-spaced): 6.5

Word Count: 2033

Pages left to write: 13.5 - 18.5

I plan on spending most of this week in a library cubicle. It will be a very un-fun time. If I don’t have at least 18 pages by Friday, I won’t be a very happy person.

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book of questions

I knew buying this book would come in handy…

Question #13: What would constitute a “perfect” evening for you?

Answer: Oh gosh, I don’t know. This is not a question I think about… ever. I guess I can come up with something.

a) a perfect evening with friends

This is a hard one, only because if I’m hanging out with the right people, I’m always having a “perfect” evening. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing. Karaoke + drinks would be a good time. Singing 5 CDs of Disney songs with my roommates on my 22nd birthday was a good time. Sitting around and having a lively discussion is a good time. Playing board games/Catch Phrase is a good time. Going out to bars and NOT having to pay for a single drink would be a good time (as long as my friends got free drinks too). Again, most anything would be a good time, as long as I’m with the right people.

b) a perfect evening with my future boyfriend/husband (FBF/H)

First of all, it would have to be between 65 and 70 degrees outside. Around 7pm (because I’d be hungry), we’d go out to a nice restaurant (some type of foreign cuisine) and eat outside, because the weather is amazing. Actually, it wouldn’t have to be a nice restaurant - just somewhere that serves really good food and has outdoor seating. Anyway, my meal would definitely include broccoli, by the way (very important detail). My FBF/H and I would talk about anything and everything, because we’re just that cool. We’d finish eating and our meal would be free, because… well, it’s my perfect evening. Then, after dinner, we’d “take an old fashioned walk” - just like the Doris Day and Frank Sinatra duet. If we actually sang while we walked, I wouldn’t mind. Or if Michael Buble were somewhere close by, my FBF/H and I would stop and see him. After visiting Buble, we’d continue the old fashioned walk, just talking about whatever, and find a super awesome coffee shop to recaffeinate (not a word, by the way). Then, (finally) we’d find a place where we could just sit or lay down and stargaze for the rest of the night.

***Side note: I really love looking at the night sky (as long as it’s not filled with light pollution). I could stare at stars for hours - it’s so relaxing.

c) a perfect evening by myself

I would sing aloud like no one’s listening. All night. Regardless of where I am. Actually, I’d probably be laying down in a dark, treeless field (without creepy rapists strolling around) staring at the stars.

Yeah, that’s it. I was thinking about including my family, but anytime when we’re all together, it’s pretty perfect (in that “oh my gosh, these people are a bunch of psycho freaks - I can’t believe I’m related to them” kinda way).

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today

Thesis update: I have 3 solid pages. It’s closer to 3.2 pages. The introduction is done and I’m sure it’s crap. Whatever. Tonight’s goal is to research theories relating inequality and development -

Oh. I don’t think I’ve mentioned what my thesis is about (don’t get excited; it’s nothing groundbreaking):

Inequality and Development in Guatemala. Basically I’m discussing how Guatemala’s high inequality cripples its development progress. Surprisingly, this isn’t as widely accepted as you may believe.

Anyways, tonight’s goal: researching theories. After 2 hours, I haven’t found a single paper of substance, besides my economic development textbook. I had no idea people were so into applying Kuznets’s “Inverted U” Hypothesis in an environmental framework. I don’t want the environmental-ness; I want economic development. I want inequality… Also, I’m running into research problems because I can’t access a lot of info (articles and such) from my computer - I need to be at school. Unfortunately, that won’t happen until Monday. Google is failing me miserably. Hopefully, I’ll end the evening/early morning with some substantial research so I can start writing the next section tomorrow.

(I doubt it)

But on a brighter note, I found a super excellent Biryani restaurant/take out joint in Dupont this afternoon - Biryani Corner (2126 P Street NW). I’m a huge biryani fan now. $7.25 got me a ton of chicken biryani. I couldn’t believe how delicious it was, and I can’t wait to eat the leftovers tomorrow. It was the highlight of my ridiculously boring day.

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guilty pleasures

In case you didn’t know, I’m a sucker for catchy songs, both good and bad. So is my friend, Adam.

He sends me some of the worst songs I’ve ever come across. How he finds them is beyond me, but I have a tendency to get sucked into their catchy-ness.

Example 1:

Tila Tequila. That bisexual bundle of “joy” (not really) has a (crappy) song entitled “I Love U”. I probably would’ve never heard this song if it hadn’t been for Adam. The lyrics are beyond ridiculous, but the song itself is just so catchy - I couldn’t help but learn all the words.

Example 2 (the most recent):

“Smell Yo Dick”. Yes, this is a real song. I don’t really know what to say… just watch the video. Unfortunately, I’ve fallen victim to this song’s catchy beat as well… thanks to Adam.

***Side note: Sometimes he sends me normal songs.

The fact that “Smell Yo Dick” is suck in my head right now is 100% Adam’s fault. I’m having a hard time concentrating on this paper I should be writing.

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